Romantic Relations … with Elves?

My friend Allie curiously scans "Please YoursELF: Sex with the Icelandic Invisibles."

A few weeks ago, I wrote about some travel books I have on my shelf. Interestingly enough, this post is about one that’s not on my shelf (and I think it’s safe to say never will be): Please YoursELF. I’m reminded of this rather rare read because I heard about it while in Iceland with my friend Allie last summer, and I attended Allie’s wedding last week. When she caught wind of it, she went on a mission to find it, and we scoured a few stores before discovering the proverbial pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Please YoursELF is a guide to, well, getting it on with hidden people (a sizable percentage of people in Iceland believe in elves, gnomes, and other hidden people, and the majority believe you can’t rule out their existence). It was written by Hallgerður Hallgrímsdóttir, whom The Reykjavík Grapevine describes as “the leading authority on the mystic art of elf sex.” How one gets such a prestigious designation, I don’t know, but Hallgerður claims to have been enjoying these otherworldly encounters for some time. Limber and light, elves are ideal partners for a few reasons, she says. For starters, they have no sexually transmitted diseases, and you can’t get pregnant by an elf or impregnate an elverine (a female elf, of course) unless you both want to.

As you can see from the photo, Allie enjoyed perusing through this guide, but now that she’s a taken woman, I fear she’ll never get to put the tips she learned to good use. But if you’re headed for Iceland and find mere mortal romance to be a bit boring, now you know where to turn to learn about diversifying your repertoire.